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Straightalking
I was on a flight into Heathrow the other day when
a minor delay caused me to witness air rage for the first time. We had
landed nicely and everything seemed to be happening as it should until
we came to a halt a short distance from the terminal building. The seatbelt
lights stayed on and we weren't going any further. We were just starting
to get restless when the pilot explained that there was a truck parked
in our space and they were looking for somebody to move it. Everyone sighed
melodramatically and tut-tutted at the ineptitude of it all, but for the
most part we passengers remained good-natured and continued reading our
newspapers.
All except one that is; after fifteen minutes of sitting there waiting,
the man across the aisle from me was viably agitated, called an air hostess
hover and proceeded to berate her for about three minutes non-stop. The
man was American, in his fifties and smart in appearance. Commanding the
attention of those around him, his monologue of complaint went along these
lines.
"We're sitting here for fifteen minutes already. You've for to do something
about it. You've got to go into that cockpit and tell the pilot- TELL
HIM!- to get something done about his delay. I can't sit here like this.
Its ridiculous. That pilot's not being aggressive enough. If he wanted
to sort this problem out he could. He could get on that radio and shout
at someone. He's not aggressive. He's a wimp. Go in and tell him to be
aggressive. I've got a connecting flight...." The pleasant air hostess
was almost run over by his out-of-control torrent. This articulate man
didn't raise his voice or use any swear words, but his manner was offensive.
His tone of voice was intimidating and utterly unreasonable. When the
air hostess tried to explain that everything was being done, he looked
as if he might spew fire. It was an obscene spectacle and those sitting
around were horrified. Being perhaps a tad too easily involved in other
people's scraps, I said to the man "Hey, take it easy. It's not her fault,
you know." He hardly took his bullying gaze off the air hostess for an
instant to tell me to mind my own business and immediately resumed his
rant.
When he finally finished, the air hostess walked away, obviously shaken
and the man stuck his chest out, in a cartoon-like gesture of righteousness
and pride. He was oblivious to all the jaws being lifted off the floor
around him and the poisonous stares, though they didn't penetrate his
conscious mind, I hope they went somewhere into the deep, dark pocket
so of his soul. I don't know what kind of personal problems this man has,
or personality defects that make him treat others so shoddily, but I'm
sure there was no excuse for that scene. If he had used swear words or
been physically intimidating, he could have been arrested for air rage.
But he's no drunk hooligan. No doubt, he tells himself that his educated,
measured manner makes it alright and if he pushes against any wrongs he
sees, then surely it's a good thing.
What about the air hostess?
Well, she didn't put up a fight. She clearly knew she was on the wrong
side and there was nothing she could say, he might reason.
But surely that's not the point. It doesn't matter how smart and important
that man is, or even how right he was, (it was ridiculous for us to be
sitting there). Being really smart means knowing when not to push your
point home, to be a tiny bit mindful of others and their feelings and
ability to argue, maybe. This might mean biting your tongue at times and
saying nothing when you want to make a valid complaint, but that's life!
Am I mad, or is that not something basic respect for humanity tells us.
The thing about bullies is that they are only dangerous if they think
they can get away with it. If someone teaches them a lesson, then they
get some idea of how socially unacceptably they're behaving. I clearly
wasn't the woman for the job, much and all as I'd like to have told this
man a thing or two. I had entered the fray as the voice of reason, and
his rudeness had floored me.
I don't suppose bad language is always excusable, but when this man had
shown himself to be an arrogant, hurtful bully there was no-more-Mr-Nice-Guy
for him and I'm glad. The man sitting behind me, who'd been watching the
whole scene disapprovingly, fell into step with me as we left the plane.
"What an idiot."
"There's always one", we sighed.
As we entered the arrivals hall and were passing the angry bully, the
man pulled out one of the nuclear weapons of put-downs. "Dickhead", he
said, just audible and seemingly to no-one in particular. The bully swung
around and a look of awful realisation came over him.
All my professional interests in negotiation and calm reasoning went out
the window. Peacemaking isn't always about being polite eggshell walking.
Sometimes people need to be told the truth and sometimes you've got to
walk away from a situation knowing that it wasn't resolved but at least
some painful truths were aired. If muttering obscenities isn't the best
way to break through to people, in this case at least it wasn't the worst
either.
by
Laura Mackey
13th February 2002
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