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IRT Virus May Have Peaked

There are signs that the IRT virus, which causes victims to gratuitously use the expression "In relation to", may have peaked. "We've heard no new cases this week" said a prominent official at the Athlone-based Centre for Clich? Control, "although we are keeping a number of confirmed cases under surveillance" he added.

Linguistic tests have indicated that IRT is probably the latest mutation of airwave-clogging viruses such as STC (squaring the circle), LTPP (leveling the playing pitch) and the notorious ATEOTD (at the end of the day) strains. CCC officials are concerned, however, that in terms of contagion and longevity, IRT may well as virulent as the notorious ATPIT (at this point in time) virus which paralysed much of the country in the early 1980's, bringing all national discourse to a grinding halt.

"We have observed a number of so-called IRT 'super-carriers', mainly politicians, RTE reporters and certain PR spokespersons for various organisations" said one CCC expert. "The main hot-spots for IRT continue to be Leinster House, the Garda Press Office, County Council chambers and the Special Administrative Region of Montrose, where conditions for incubating and spreading IRT are considered ideal."

"It's like an IRT greenhouse down there in Donnybrook" he commented. The CCC now believe that IRT probably peaked during the infamous incident some weeks ago when a severely infected Garda spokesman using the IRT expression 17 times in one radio interview on RTE's 'Five Seven Live'.

Faced with such an onslaught, the unfortunate RTE interviewer became infected, and immediately rebroadcast the virus, to the horror of listeners around the country. "That individual remains in quarantine, and he is still considered a linguistic hazard to the public" said the CCC spokesman.

by

Paul Cherrington
4th June 2003

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