Life and Times of Fluffy Dutton
"Inside every nice girl is a drag queen waiting to
Fluffy Dutton, 'Vamps & Tramps', 1999.
It's February 2004, and Fluffy Dutton, hot new Internet sex columnist,
is about to explode onto the publishing scene. Beating her arch-rival,
celebrity writer Roisin Mingle, to a much-desired post at tuppenceworth.ie,
she prepares to take the literary world by storm. But her scandalous weekly
column, "DirtySomething", is only the beginning of Fluffy's plans for
world domination. In the secret of her loft apartment, shared with kindly
trannie, Frou-Frou, Fluffy is hatching her masterpiece. A debut novel;
her memoirs. But a secret past threatens her sparkling new life.
Lets back-track a couple of months. The glamorous star of over two hundred
adult 'movies', six-time 'Razzler' centrefold and the darling of the burlesque
scene, Fluffy has gone a couple more years past the big three-oh than
she'd care to let on. Pan-stik can only hide so many sins, and those little
lines are becoming harder and harder to conceal, no matter how much Vaseline
her boyfriend, director and manager, Jake Savage, rubs onto the camera
lens. It's only a matter of time until she's just too old for the starring
roles she desires.
But Fluffy is a Diva through and through. She's damned if she'll fade
gracefully into the twilight. Instead, she's determined to take one last
stab at fame, and get a foothold in a more consistent career, before her
youthful looks finally desert her. And so the idea for "DirtySomething"
is born. She enrols on a creative writing course with Kilroy's College,
and demonstrating a gusto previously reserved only for her award-winning
'oral' scenes, sets to work building up a stable of, ahem, 'contacts'
in the editorial world.
Can she really pull it off? Known in 'the business' for her Dietrich-style
mystique, and possessing a wit to rival Dorothy Parker, Fluffy is no bimbette,
that's for sure. And she is one hundred percent determined to succeed.
It's either that, or venture into the more extreme end of the fetish market
- a dubious future of tawdry latex and eye-watering DVDA scenes. But is
her sordid past about to catch up with her? Or can she forge a new career
in the competitive Dublin literary scene, and prove that her best asset
is not her spectacular frontage, it's actually her brain?
From the haven of her draughty loft above the 'Love-Canal' porn shop in
Capel Street, her column, "DirtySomething" unfolds, quickly gaining a
host of cult fans across the Republic, and abroad. Fluffy is catapulted
into the big-time when her smutty scribblings are blasted by an irate
caller to popular Irish chat radio station Talk 105. Roisin Mingle herself
comes live on air to slag off her rival, making a few choice suggestions
as to how an 'illiterate bimbo' like Fluffy managed to get the Tuppenceworth
job in the first place.
Later that night, a drunken cat-fight breaks out in celebrity night-spot
'Lillies Bordello'. As a harridan Fluffy, dressed in clinging black rubber,
slams 'nice girl' Ms Mingle against the wall, the nipple of the demure
lady journalist accidentally makes an appearance above the neck-line of
her designer boob-tube. The resulting photo makes the front page of every
newspaper in the country. It's a PR dream for Fluffy. Tuppenceworth becomes
the most-hit Irish web-site on the net, and her pay cheque, swelling from
a lucrative product endorsement contract for adult goods franchise 'Rubber
Ducky', allows her to buy a lap-top, and start work on her autobiographical
novel full time.
The closely-guarded memoirs are due to hit the presses in September 2004,
and a series of extracts are to be serialised via Tuppenceworth in the
months leading up to its release. But as "The Life and Times of Fluffy
Dutton" unfolds, it becomes clear that Ms Mingle is not the only one who'd
prefer to see Fluffy's masterpiece fall by the wayside. Is it the Fianna
Fail politician who allegedly features in, shall we say, a rather large
role within its pages? Or the Catholic bishop who takes the word 'father'
to a new degree of realism? Or perhaps it's the twenty-something pop idol
who'd prefer that his wife didn't know about his earlier media 'exposure'
as gay porn actor Dirk Dick? One thing's for sure - whoever it is means
business. An attempt on her life proves that someone from Fluffy's past
is determined to make sure that the events unfolding in the novel never
see the light of day...
Read Fluffy's column, DirtySomething