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A
Room Of His Own
My son Tom was two recently - I was several decades
older than that the following day - to tell the whole mortal truth I was
49.Ê The two years since his birth have been the most physically and emotionally
challenging I have ever experienced.Ê They have also been the most rewarding
and joyful period in my life so far.Ê It sometimes feels as if my heart
has expanded, almost to bursting point, to accommodate the torrent of
emotions unleashed by his birth.Ê My map of the world has been redrawn
to a new, more intimate scale.Ê All the old landmarks and presumed destinations
look different now and the journeys ahead more complex and exciting than
any ever imagined before.
From the day he arrived home, peering like a woodland animal from the
crook of his mother's arm, he had been my teacher - showing me what it
means to be wholly alive, how to love without reserve or limit, how to
live totally in the moment.Ê I continue to learn from his fearlessness,
his tenacity, his overwhelming sense of fun and his complete conviction
that he has the most beautiful mother and sister in the world.Ê I am not
sure if I have taught him anything yet, beyond the words to the songsÊI
made up to sing him to sleep (having discovered, strangely, that none
of the vast store ofÊDylan songs from my memory bank really worked as
a lullaby!)
It used to be that he would not agree (and Tom never does anything he
does not agree with) to go to sleep till I had hoisted him on my shoulder
and waltzed him around our bedroom whilst crooning to him and the moon.
I say 'our bedroom'ÊÊbecause up to last wek he slept in a drop sided cot
pushed tight against the marital bed.Ê I'm not sure if having him so close
provided more comfort for him or for his parents.
Whichever, for more than 700 nights, in the background to our own dazed
slumbers has been the reassuring and miraculous presence of my son dreaming
his dreams accompanied by the soundtrack of his almost translatable gurgles
and interjections.Ê Pretty soon he discovered how to climb up from his
cot and over us to find the part of the bed which was absolutely the most
comfortable spot to sleep in.Ê Once having laid claim to it he would notÊcede
it onÊany account!
I learned, unconsciously, to be prepared for his pre deep sleep repertoire
of ninja kicks and how not to roll out of bed myself while giving him
plenty of space to stretch out into.Ê As in all things adapting ourselves
to Tom rather than expecting him to adapt to us worked out best forÊall
of us.Ê From a few weeks old he generally slept solidly for at least six
hours overnight beforeÊemergingÊfrom his slumbers with a cheeky grin that
seemed to say, 'Heh - what a great day this is going to be!'Ê And you
know, he was nearly always right.
There was always a plan for him to have the smallest bedroom as his own
- once we had decorated it in classic 'Winnie the Pooh' style.Ê When I
say we I am perhaps overstatingÊthe key roleÊmy fetching, carrying and
praise giving played in the process.Ê Anyway, last week the room was definitely
ready for him.Ê And he was ready for his room - a walker, talker and climber
fully able to ignore his mum and dad when he had something really interesting
to do like overhaul a toy fire engine.Ê He remained confident, of course,
that the right shout could bring us to his side faster than any Olympic
medallist. Ê
The only question remaining was - were we readyÊfor him to have his own
room?Ê For our beloved boy to start that long walk from child to man,
from someone we carry in our arms to someone who will end up carrying
us.ÊÊThis is the first of a series of moves which will mark his path to
independence.Ê Though there are certainly pangs of loss and sometime befuddled
panic - 'Where has he gone?' the answer to the question posed above is
yes. Ê
Being a parent involves coming to terms with the dilemma of how to simultaneously
protect your child while allowing him to take his own faltering steps
into becoming himself.Ê Love is shown as much in the letting go as in
the holding close.
Goodnight sweet prince - see you in the morning - our door is open.Ê
by
Thom Hickey
21st November 2004
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