Sunday World
From MyWiki
There was a while, doing the preparatory reading to refresh my memory for the Sunday World Paper Round when I doubted that I had the strength to go on. I'm going to have to provide a more impressionistic retelling of its contents than in other notes. Partly this is because it is a brain melting 82 pages, not including sport. And partly it is simply that the contents pass though you like a 2am curry, leaving only the pain behind. They bear no resemblance to, and reveal next to no connection with, the news agenda of any other paper. This truly is news from a different World.
The Sunday World
Front Page
Let My Hubby Stay- Immediately I'm pitched into confusion. 'Exclusive by Paul Williams' (oh, how I familiar those words will become). The front page is given over to a photograph of a black man walking along the street, his hands in his pockets. A woman, whose previous husband has been shot in circumstances I'm presumed to know about, would prefer if her new husband wasn't deported. The only hint that the research might have gone further than listening to gossip at a corner shop is the assertion that 'immigration officials are alarmed at the number of similar weddings'. This might suggest that one was spoken to. Though similar in what way is left unspoken.
There is no news here. None.
Sidebar- House of Horrors, the Final Cover-up- Gardai, finding a suspect dying before a trial, have decided to vent their opinions. A trailer for the full story inside.
Girl Driver (16) dies in car horror- a headline, in a box. The only text attached? Turn to page 6.
Page 2 Gardai to quiz Blaze Brothers- Another Garda Source exclusive. This time we're treated to a potentially trial damaging set of photographs and descriptions of crimes. None of the assertions stated as facts cite a source. However they're clearly transcribed from Garda dictation.
Page 2 & 3 Hot Heir- Ad for Paris Hilton and the way she might smell at you.
Pages 4 & 5 House of Horrors Mum dies and takes secrets to her grave. A giant Garda Sourced Exclusive. This time the Sunday World exclusively reveals that Gardai believe a dead suspect in a crime was 'one of the coldest people they ever encountered'. And so on.
Page 6 Slow Down- Another vulture report from a road accident funeral.
Teenagers' Death Ride- The story to go with the front page headline. Another 'isn't it awful' tale of a car crash. A theme page, it seems.
Pages 8 & 9 Marie's fight to keep hubby- Paul Williams continues his over-the-garden-wall yapping about this bizarre non-story. But at least it's an exclusive, as the top of the page tells us. Includes illustrative pictures of a woman washing her windows. Riveting.
Pages 10 & 11 Our drinkers prove a point- A perfectly good piece of popular journalism. Readers take a mix of drinks, and then are breathalysed.
Page 12 City Slicker actor Jack passes on- Press Release on Palance death.
Two facing brothel charges- Court Report
My knockout Lock-Out- An actual 'my hospital hell' story. Journalism.
Enda meals the heat as Terry wants a date- Inexplicably headlined ad for Terry Keane. Not the first this weekend.
Page 13 McGrath is Bigger than Rooney- 'Another Sunday World Exclusive', they coyly yell. How the freely available book sales chart, candyflossed into an ad for Paul McGrath's literary efforts meets the definition of exclusive beats me.
Pages 14 & 15 Mario rap for comic's legal move- No legal move reported in the story. Just puffery.
The Looney Alliance- With the sub-heading 'Anarchists and Provos hi-jack pipeline protest', this is where the Gardai call in all those 'exclusives' to spin coverage of the police riot on Friday 10th November in Mayo. Firstly, lets look at the sourcing of the claims in the piece. An unsubstantiated assertion by the Minister for Justice. A number of unsourced assertions that the Sunday World divine the beliefs of "Many locals..." "Support for the campaign has dwindled..." "The majority of locals feel their concerns have been addressed..." "Parents have expressed concern..." "It is estimated that the cost of policing the demonstrations has cost €1m so far".
And, worth quoting in full for the audacity of the gunk packed into one paragraph "Fears are growing [Where? in a hedge? in a pot? in some unknown person's head?] that violent anti-Shell protests by a loopy alliance of anarchists, new age travellers and Provos [said alliance unproven, assertion of same unsourced] may result in the death of an innocent local in Co Mayo". I love that the currently nonexistent corpse must be an innocent local. Will they die when a pin is driven through an effigy in a sacrifice at dawn, while they're elsewhere entirely in Mayo, milking cows in bucolic harmony with oil companies and the state? Why not? We're already in the world of speculative fiction. Why stop at the merely unproven, when the improbable is so close by?
The passive voice has never been so abused.
If there are sources, put them on record. If they are unwilling to go on record, they aren't sources, or they should be cited in such a way as to let the reader understand why the paper believes that these anonymous sources provide sufficient value as to force the reader to trust the paper's judgement. Here there are claims of fact, untroubled by any attempt to back them up.
And, because paper readers have backgrounds too, I'll let you know that the firm I work for represents two of the original defendants in the Shell case, one of whom was jailed for 94 days. Shell has now offered to withdraw its case against them and to pay all their costs to date. I was tucked up in bed while these riots were happening, across the country in Dublin. A happy state the writer of this piece probably shared with me.
Demands to upgrade death road- Press release.
Page 16 Paddy Murray- A page I couldn't categorise. In the end, beaten by its gibberish, pointlessness and the overwhelming feeling I'd been trapped sitting beside a tramp in a crowded bus, I just wrote Mental at the top of the page.
Page 19 Kylie the comeback queen- Lovely PR pictures of Kylie. Unobjectionable PR, at least.
Immigrant Poles living on the streets- Recycled Press Release story.
Kudos for original karate kids- Press Release/Photo call.
United in Grief- Further Vulture feeding in the entrails of 'isn't it awful' funeral journalism.
Easy Tiger- Tiresome ad for Late Late show. Portrays Brendan Gleeson's previous outbreak of real opinion on chat show as aberrant behavior. God forbid actual thoughts being expressed on a discussion programme. Vapid commerciality the only form of acceptable public discourse.
House that for advice- Ad from property consultant saying that there's never a better time than now to buy a house. Do they think we don't have eyes in our heads reading this stuff?
Page 24 Byrne Turns back on his Irish roots- Story contradicts headline. Photo of Gabriel Byrne also captioned TURNCOAT. Did the sub-editor once lose to him in the auditions for the lead role in Bracken?
Pages 24 & 25 My sister Mamie was murdered just because she showed a little bit of kindness to this thug- A headline and a half. Mostly a Court report.
Page 26 Dissidents blamed for shop blaze- But by whom we'll never know from this report. We can only presume another Garda source special.
Please come home my darling- sensationalist vulture treatment of missing person report
Page 28 Amanda Brunker- After the last page-sized column (from Paddy Murray), I was worried when I saw this appear. Happily it was free of the taint of the demented, and counts merely as opinion.
Pages 30 & 31 A two page spread of Ads and PR under the heading Hush Hush.
Pages 32 & 33 The Ruff guide to Ireland- Dual exclusive this time. There is sex on the internet. Also, Irish people have casual sex. As your intrepid reviewer found no evidence of the site cited in the article I'm tempted to stick it in the made-up category, but I'll go with journalism.
Page 34 Prison Threat to Nazi- Wire
Singing home the bacon- Press release/ ad for Richard Corrigan's favourite pig farm.
Page 35 Freezin' me role off- Ad for dour RTE series the Clinic.
Page 36 "I'm sorry I raped you"- An interview with an unnamed rape victim, filled with lots of potentially prejudicial information, and accompanied by a barely disguised photograph of the woman. This reporting could result in a failure to secure a prosecution in a serious crime. It serves no public interest. "Another Sunday World Exclusive" they tell us.
Page 38 Ryan Tubridy- A page offering erroneous information on the US constitution, an ad for Trinny and Susannah's book and a brief film review from the master of the banal. Like being stuck beside the boring cousin who wrongly believes he's smarter than the rest of the table at a family wedding.
Page 40 Des Ekin's Diary- Mr. Ekin will not bother Pepys in the Pantheon of diarists. Or Adrian Mole. His words are without value.
Pages 40 & 41 'Your name is silly, you're too arrogant and you look awful. You'll go a long way.' Ad-based interview with Laurence Llewelyn Bowen, flogging his book and a saucepan shop in Darndale.
