The Evening Herald
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Friday 10, November 2006
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NEWS SECTION
Essentially, a compilation of press releases and advertorial. Genuine news stories are typically of the "isn't it awful" variety (which serve no public interest function, but to which I suppose we can't object too much on a certain level) and infotainment.
LEAD STORY: Sensationalist report on "developments" in a murder investigation. Heavy use of the passive voice (e.g. "it has emerged that" - has it? at what forum? by itself? etc.), which is only one of the indications that the story is an uncritical transmission of Garda leaks. The story really pushes the boundaries of contempt and all but names a killer by seeding a childish jigsaw of tactically leaked Garda "revelations" throughout the report.
Despite being the lead story in the section, this item cannot be said to constitute "news". There is no new development in the case such as an arrest or the setting of a hearing date. It is simply a report from a Garda investigation which has yet to produce enough evidence to bring a charge.
PAGE 2: Above story and tiny summary on Mayo pipeline, which is simply lifted from other papers. Doesn't take sides especially, though.
PAGE 3:(a) (Blogswipe) Utterly rubbish non-story about the disappearance of Phil Lynott statue's guitar. Obv. someone contacted the paper (ok, on further investigation this is a blogswipe from Redmum at the Dublin Community Blog who speculated about the hand's disappearance on 2 November) about vandalism and on finding the story had no legs, or hands, (the guitar is gone for routine maintenance) the reporter carries on regardless stating that fans had received a "nasty shock" and that the "news" (good def. of news for many Irish journos in that she means some bollocks somebody told her that she's seen fit to stick in the paper) had sent "shockwaves [...] through the Thin Lizzy fanbase". No source cited. She further states that the "stunning (she must have walked into it) bronze monument bore all the hallmarks of an attack by vandals" - er, no it didn't. Disappointingly, she is eventually forced to reveal that you have wasted your time reading about this scandal in the third paragraph - "the guitar and hand had been removed for routine repairs and will be replaced in the coming weeks".
(b) Advertorial for Dundrum Shopping Centre - isn't shopping great! Santa goes to suburban shopping centre. Placed item by SC public relations.
Page 4: (a) "Isn't it awful" story based 100% on Garda leaks on "Tiger" kidnappings by incompetent second-raters among the criminal fraternity. No quotes at all or sources cited for things like "raids have provoked real fear among employees of financial institutions".
(b) Story based 100% on Garda leaks on Ranelagh rapes. Mostly useful description of suspect which may assist apprehension. However, the "report" includes the completely unquestioned and obv Garda-direct assertion that "The garda investigation is being hampered by a lack of CCTV in the areas in which the attacks took place". Surely, the investigation is not being added to by CCTV, but to say that a lack of CCTV is an impediment to Garda duties is a very political statement and an obv. bureaucratic attempt to get mileage out of the rapes. Appalling.
Page 5: Limerick Hell: (a) Seemingly lifted from God knows where story about family whose 5 year old was recent shooting victim. No news in the story, developments in investigation such as an arrest etc. Purely sensational.
(b) related to above. Phone call to Des Bishop about Limerick Hell presented as news. Mr. Bishop has nothing to add to the facts in the public domain but delivers himself of uninteresting White-Van style opinion. Calls for "something" to be done.
Page 6: a) Outrageous report, misleading to the point of outright deceit, to the effect
that Enda Kenny has "rejected" Deputy Pat Breen's threat to sue (surprise, surprise) the Evil Gerald over a report on a Parliamentary Question on a convicted paedophile. Without quoting a source, the paper insists Mr. Kenny does not support Mr. Breen, producing merely a partyspokesman's comments to the effect that Mr. Kenny considers the isse to be a private one for Mr. Breen. The story implies support for the paper.
Given that the report makes it obvious the paper itself brought the matter to FG HQ's attention, it is hard to describe this as news reporting. It's news-manufacturing if anything.
(b) Court report re bad mum who locked kids in car in Tallaght. Hilariously, she decried, as a person of means, her persecution when "There are junkies strung-out up there (in the carpark/Silent Hill set in which she left her chislers) with kids and they never get into any trouble". Tut tut, isn't it awful?
(c) Recycled story about low-grade corruption in supermarket wine selling. Spurious awards doled out to unquaffable plonk to secure higher sales. Mildly interesting.
(d) Completely misleading and inaccurate report which confuses Minister of State at Health, Tim O'Malley's statement that the Department won't pay for Mater's suit against former cancer patient with the idea that the Mater won't sue her at all. According to Sunday's paper from thhe hera;d stable, the hospital board seems more than happy to proceed under their own steam.
Page 8: (a) PR re An Post stamp issue. Attempted hi-jack by Louis Walsh who is flogging X-Factor and Westlife currently. Hilariously, the reporter misses Louis' PR-mongering point and gets side-tracked into musings about Irish folk-scene of the 1980s. But see page 31, where Louis finally achieves advertorial success.
(b) Arson attack in Northern Ireland. Victim dies. Allegations of child sex abuse involved. Journalism of a fashion, but no public interest served, merely sensationalist.
(c) In brief column of press releases and wire swipings.
Page 10: "Isn't it awful" court report on suspended sentence for wanking perv.
Page 11: (a) Report on D4 locals displeasure at prospect of developer Sean Dunne's tower in Ballsbridge. Must have been recent PR on this as it's all over the papers, incidentally noting the coming residential and retail opportunities.
(b) Balance on above achieved by substantial advertorial/PR on Mr. Dunne's "socialite wife" who "was spotted...sporting a very noticeable baby bump at the launch of Karen Millen's new store on Grafton Street". Exclusive to all papers copy includes "the attractive blonde chose a demure empire-line style dress" (update see wiki on Mail for same reference) indicate the story is culled entirely from a press release. No quotes or indication that the reporter actually attended the advertised function. Use of the phrase "Golden Circle" re Mr. and Mrs. Dunne and ref to die-hard FF support and romantic first meeting at Galway Races. I wonder under what canopy their eyes first met?
Page 12: a) jokey unattributed bit on Sam Maguire cup.
(b) the bones of a promising bit of journalism on suicide among Travellers. Based simply on PR re report release and featuring exclusive to all papers quotes. It would be nice if the paper went beyond simply picking this up off the ground and did an ongoing story on it, but I suspect we won't hear of the dead Travellers again.
(c) Picture of blonde bird, which is an ad for Budweiser festival.
(d) Triumphant, genius Borat PR machine placement. Cha-ching! $60 mill and counting...
(e) In brief column - court report, charity PR, celebrity wire report, consumer action PR.
Page 13: A woman's opinion column in which women are made to feel crap so they'll buy more stuff. Helpfully, the paper has provided ads for the stuff they need.
Page 14: (a) Editorial 1 - Leas Cross, something must be done. Fair enough, but how about using your pay-rolled journos to do more than simply transcribe press releases to the effect that reports have been produced and make no effort to inform the public as to which of the uncritically presented, yet opposing views, reported is more likley to be true?
(b) editorial 2 - straightforward advertisement for Dundrum Shopping Centre. Advertorial holy grail.
(c) Kofi Annan op-ed on climate change. Fair enough, but obv. made available internationally and probably for free.
Page 15: Gossip page and reactionary middle-irelander scaremongering.
Page 16: (a) Sam Stephenson is dead. A couple of column inches for those looking to put a face with the eyesores.
(b) Press release re Carravagio painting.
Page 17: Rambling advertorial for city sangige sellers with gee-whizz asides on shocking Celtic Tygger prices at posh Clarence Hotel (€18 for a club, goys, isn't it great, I mean awful?).
Page 18: Business PR. And weird advertorial armaments porn for Humvee replacement. Anyone in the market?
Page 20: "Celebrity" diary of vomitous, puke-faced bollix Brendan O'Carroll in which he flogs various crappy events in which he has a commercial interest. I didn't read this too carefully.
Page 21: PR/advertising masqueradnig as "insider gossip". Accompanied by pictures of horse-faced school-girls in low-cut "fashions". A relief after O'Carroll's rancid, moustachioed mug opposite.
Page 22: Advertorial for Celtic tygger carry on at RDS.
Page 23: (a) Garda leaks about how brill they are. Somewhat at variance with known facts.
(b) PR/Advertorial for Paris Hilton/Brown Thomas.
Page 24: Advertorial for Fair City. An RTE production about the wurkin' classes.
Page 25: (a) Report on death threats to Charlie O'Connor TD, famously of Tallaght. Will not be intimidated. Picked up off ground (phone call from Charlie). Nothing revealed by deep throat style investigative journalism.
(b) Press release story on music festival with Stephen Hawking (wheel-chair bound quantum genius) human interest angle.
Page 26: (a) In brief column of press releases and court report. (b) court report - age discrimination.
Page 27: Exclusive to all papers press release on new software (oh, advert) which the scienticians have used to create a Ricky Gervais style comedy face for maximum publicity bonanza.
Page 28: (a) Celeb press release. (b) Omagh families press release.
Page 29: (a) Garda appeal re missing schoolgirl. Seems a bit far back in the paper. (b) Court report - juvenile deliquency. (c) In brief, court reports.
Page 30: (a) In brief, court reports. (b) Hilarious fishwife 19 year old who threw a tantrum at being denied access to Anne Summers kit. Has "previous" for a sequestered vibrator, allegedly. Objects to judge's remarks and media tarring, but seems to be having a great time in the photos, exclusive to all papers. Isn't it awful, the randy little minx?
Page 31: (a) Court report - medical negligence for vasectomy. Ouch. Doomed action. (b) Success! Louis Walsh rights wrong done him earlier by getting a mention of Westlife (album on sale now, by curious coincidence) into the paper.
Page 32: PR for NIP/TUCK. New season starting.
Page 33: (a) Misleading report on Catherine Nevin related court matter. Refusal to grant summary judgment presented as conclusion of case. Wrong! (b) PR on report on google use for medics.
Page 34: (a) Breastcheck press release. (b) Britney/Ferderline PR machine.
Page 35: (a) court report - off-licence sold drink to underage person. (b) court report - quashing of teen's conviction for sex assault.
Page 36: (a) Garda report on its arrest of a person for violent assault. Pretty close to winds of contempt of court rules I would have thought.
(b) Advertisement for Grainne Seoige and Graham "Nokia" Knuttel and his corporate daubings.
(c) Press release on survey. report on report. We are all fat and it is difficult to lose weight (impliedly don't bother to even try). Thankfully, comfort eats and xtravision are advertised throughout the paper.
(d) court report - wurkin' class mum not a good 'un. How awful.
And that was the "News" section.
Saturday 11th November 2006
News Section, Weekend Herald
Front Page I really thought I was going to die- Victim Impact report sensationally delivered as though it were front page news. Court Report of a dubious sort.
P2 Sex case man's home attacked- Chance for another run around case of an 18 year old with a quashed conviction for sexual assault. Undercurrent suggest that bricks through the window are all that he can expect from right thinking people henceforth.
P3 Cafe charging diners €1 to spend a penny- Headline flatly contradicted by report wherein it is revealed that charge intended for non-paying customers of Grafton St CafeBarDeli only. Article is hard to classify mix of ad and anti-ad (ends with ringing endorsement of eatery's 'firm client base', 'cheap and cheery menu' and 'convenient city-centre locations'.)
Gay site is Twink's new Net drama- Non-story. My first need to invoke Fergal's catagory of 'made up'. Site unrelated to panto-harpy, merely namesake. Mostly a chance to claim Evening Herald key role in famous Zip Up Your Mickey recording. Sources of which it would not take Hercule Poirot to narrow down.
Ad for Paris Hilton and Richford Motor Company.- drivel.
P4 Seal-ing a Great Day- Not unappealing tale of children and marine mammal wildlife. Clearly sourced from a press release/ Photo call from Irish seal Sanctuary however.
Operation Anvil seizes €13.5m in blitz on crime- Dail report/ Garda puffery. Honestly, there isn't more than a paragraph of previously unreported information in the whole confection.
Sidebar: 4 Press Releases in Brief
Air Corps high level of sick days not 'blue flu'- Journalism, of the sort where any reaction quote is published as fact in the face of evidence to the contrary.
P5 I'm a Celebrity...- Ad for pseudonymous visual chewing gum. Features partially exposed breasts of Myleen Klass.
Gardai to track 'tiger' raid gangs- Presenting past failure to do same as chance for glorious future success. Garda Source.
P6 Chris to tongue-lash Ballydung duo- Ad for Podge and Rodge show.
Drink case for former Labour TD- Court Report on retired public figure. Wanders away from news report to rerun past junket-related tales. Meandering.
Violent cops sucker-punched by YouTube- 'Internet sensation of the year, YouTube.com' source of wonder to uncredited Herald journalist with strangely wire-report style of writing. Wire.
Model Affair- pic of brace of be-bikinied girls improbably celebrating launch of Holiday brochure by stripping down in November outdoors. Ad. Are we not done with these yet?
P7 Damilola numbed by grief- Example of the strange new vulture-style genre, the funeral report.
P8 "Irish boy my first victim" says killer Nilsen- Gruesome crime tale. Headline attributes a quote to killer without any likelihood of it actually being verbatim. Few people speak in headline style.
Witness plea to nab gang rape trio- Garda Sourced plea for witnesses. Of civic value. Of no journalistic value.
"Someone will die' says protester- Rossport follow-up story to Friday's Police Riot. Again quote attributed in headline not spoken, sourced or cited in article.
5 Press Releases in Brief
P9 Peacemaker- Family break-up story sold to us as celebrity entertainment. Perhaps less forgivable as it seems to have been sourced from one of the parents, Brian McFadden.
Ex-burgler hired by Eircom to boost sales- Contrary to explicit advertising guidelines covering alarm companies, Eircom Phonewatch routinely attempt to provoke fear to up sales. Salient quote "He will be giving advice to help turn their heavily mortgaged castles into a fortress". Lovely. A particularly objectional Ad.
P10 Vicious PO thugs must be jailed- Herald editorial bravely breaks new ground in banality. Who and where are the people arguing Post Office kidnap gangs ought not be jailed? Opinion.
New hope for illegal Irish- Evening Herald calls on US Democratic party winners to heed its wishes.
Legal Vacuum here over stem cell research- Actual piece of journalism, incongruous here with its presenting of facts behind a complicated issue in a clear and readable manner. A Gold Star, no less.
Comment
P11 Just what makes a good restaurant?- Round up of places to eat, without actually telling the reader where they are. Opinion, obviously. Though weighted to a rather familiar set of eateries. (The Unicorn? Really? What decade is it again?) CafeBarDeli appears again, their second mention in the paper today. Makes my PR senses tingle.
Pilgrims to enjoy luxury for their sacrifice- Ad for hotel development at foot of Crough Patrick. May Balor turn his Evil Eye upon them.
News, Again
P12 The Role of a Lifetime?- Wandering away from anything resembling news, we have a mish mash of Press Release info/Ad on upcoming Rocky 6 and "I love.." style telling us things we know already. i.e. Sharon Stone was in Basic Instinct, Farah Fawcett was in Charlies Angels and Harrison Ford was in Indiana Jones. And Macauly Culkin's career has been less than steller since puberty. And for this they reintroduced the 'News' tagline on the top of the page?
P14 The Cook and the Critic- Pudding faced chef, pictured opposite pudding faced reporter (full disclosure: I am also pudding faced. Explanatory hint for fellow sufferers: This is a result of too much pudding.) Discussion of whether Dublin eateries are overpriced.
Taken together with the preceeding pages, we can infer that the Herald's concession to the weekend is a focus on eating and going to the pictures. I suppose we can be grateful this isn't labelled culture.
P15 Hidden Dublin: A lotto like corrupt times gone by- headline is gibberish, but this is a brilliant miniature excursion into the 18th Century history of lotteries in Dublin. Can I label it journalism? It told me things I didn't know before. Granted they occured over 200 years ago.
Features Family Matters
P16 Finding the will to live after the death of a child- Ad for charity cookbook attached to deeply memorable painful-to-read interview with author and other mothers of dead children. Takes the book only as a seed for an article about something real. Journalism.
Tune-in to your child's TV habits- Is Telly Evil? That's Telly the medium, regardless of the programme. The answers are revealed. Honestly, aren't these the same people who decried comics, the Internet (all of it), Bebo (in particular), Radio, the printed word , progress, modernity, moveable type, fire. Opinion.
Mild diarrhoea in puppies can sometimes mean Parvovirus- I don't have a dog. Maybe headlines about puppy diarrhoea are what you scan your papers for when you do own a dog. If so, I think I've made the right choice. What can I even classify this as? Journalism, I suppose from former Den Pet Vet done good.
P17 Cupla focail about the nonsense of learning Irish- Teenager learning Irish takes unprecedented view that learning Irish is stupid. Opinion.
Subsequent pages hold a column by Cauvery Madhavan, the Herald's 'Paddy Indian', a TV review, a set of old Bush jokes, and a Shelley Poem. This last unexpected moment is paid for by having Ulick O'Connor's photograph beside it.
Then on into the reviews and the TV listings.
