The Irish Daily Star Sunday
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The Irish Daily Star Sunday
(Yes, according to the masthead, that's the correct name)
Front Page
"Horror at my scissor sisters" No text other than headline. A trailer for an interview inside. I won't be counting this as an article.
"Garda Rocker On Drugs Charges" A Garda who has been done for ecstasy posession plays in a Red Hot Chilli Peppers tribute act. I know which one I'd have him thrown in jail for. Again, this is an ad for a story inside, and it won't feature in my stats.
Page 2
All self-PR, except:
"Quinn in drunken pub brawl" Court Report
Page 3
"Forget Paris" Ad for hotel-related perfume. An attempt is made to turn it into a feature, by adding a clearly made-up quote attributed to Paris's parents, regarding the lack of suitability of Colin Farrell as a boyfriend for the Fabulous fruit of their loins. Only tabloid hacks speak like that, so I have no doubt that Mere and Pere Hilton didn't come within an asses roar of our journalist.
Pages 4 & 5
"Farah wasn't a good man but nobody deserves to die like that" Interview with Mulhall sister, as trailed on front page. Prurient tabloid journalism at its worst. Also, the whole thing is in tabloidese, suggesting that it's not really an proper interview at all.
Page 6
"Girl (16) is killed as car hits tree" Garda Story
"Dubya warns 'enemies;" Wire
"Border fox 'livid' at nephew's fire murder" Baseless speculation. At bottom, the story is built around a quote attributed to an an-named "neighbour". The quote sounds made up - again, real people don't talk like that.
Page 8
"Drug Bust Rocks Cop" Essentially a court report, but all the stuff about his musical pursuits - to which the Star devotes far more attention than his alleged crimes - is original reporting. It seems that the band pride themselves on looking like the real thing. They look nothing like the real thing. So, low self-seteem then lads. Still, it's good to finally, finally see in a national paper the phrase "Rock'n'Roll Garda". Sounds like a Fifties B-Movie title. Roger Corman, over to you...
Page 9
"Life in the Frost lane" An ad for a TV show on Sky tonight
Page 10
"Hero who was killed for his car laid to rest" Isn't Limerick awful? These funeral reports are in terrible taste, but there seems to be a matket for them. Use of phrase "have-a-go hero" adds authentic tang of tabloidese to the proceedings.
"Jack Exits Stage" Jack Palance dies. Reprint
"Rollover Fever" Ad for Euromillions
Page 11
"Duff at the top" Ad for Your a Star
"Crowds wait for games console" Ad for PS3
Page 12
"Brit's Ex-factor" Britney Spears' divorce. Interestingly, the author of this is Sinead Kenefick, who first arrived at the Star by way of RTE show "No experience Required". Anyway, as she's not reporting any of this from the Staes, and presumabnly is no better informed on the matter than any of us. I'm going to call it a re-print.
"Shane's tot scare" Westlife PR, with a sentimental, sick-child slant. Only in tabloids does a child become a "tot". It was a stomach bug, by the way.
"Man on drug rap" Garda story. "Rap", eh? I'm starting to love this red-top slang.
"Murderer faces further charges" Garda story. Not exclusive by any means, despite the story's tag-line
Pages 14 & 15 "Knockout" Isn't Kylie fabulous. PR
"Home and away actress loses long cancer battle" Not sure what to call this, but I suppose it must ultimately have come from a PR source. Let's call it a re-print.
Page 16
"Jock Off" Peculiar colour story about Irish guy on Australian Idol, who's received abuse from their version of Simon Cowell. His Dad, still in Dublin, thinks this is "morally wrong". I got nuthin'...
"Bono's pride in the name of the poor" Re-print from an interview somewhere else, Star doesn't have the courtesy to say where.
Page 18
"Just kill the f**cker" Aren't travellers awful?
"Country pubs in danger" Press release from vintners
"Hunt on for ship monkey" What a fabulous headline! Story is australian so it must be wire/reprint
"Nuke jewels" wire/reprint
Page 20
"Would YOU help the Garda nab these thugs" Opinion. Aren't scum scummy?
"Mature beyond her years/Heroism on the high seas" Editorial, so it's opinion. Note though, that the first half is really just an ad for the Mulhall interview in the paper.
Page 21
"It's police brutality" Ad for book by Police (geddit?) guitarist Andy Summers
"Bra Wars" Ad for lingerie/hot babe photo
Page 22
"The rat has left me high and dry" Former minor celebrity Suzanne Shaw of Hear'say has broken up with someone called Darren Day. At thje very end of the story we learn that "she refused to discuss Darren when quizzed by Star Sunday". All the material in this story, including the headline, is from "a pal". In other words, every word of this story is complete bollocks. How does bollocks fit into our categories?
"Woman's battle for freedom" Story about poor provision of disability services from the HSE. Journalism
Page 23
"Kathyrn Rogers" She's Ireland's No1 columnist. And she's printing celebrity stories that she camn't possibly have found herself. So I'll call them all re-prints, except one local story which I'll give her credit for, 'cause it's a gem. Twink has said of whoever released her infamous "zip up your mickey" message (like she doesn't know)"I will have him or her. I won't stop until they are hung from the highest tree. I will personally watch the hanging myself". Oh Twink, you crazy, crazy lady. That's fantasic stuff. isn't it? I'm glad I bought the Star now, for that quote alone.
Page 24
"How I saved 133 refugees lost at sea" Does what it says on the tin. Reasonable story
Page 25
"Irish chef cooks local" Ad for Corrgian's TV show
Page 26
"On the run tomb raider is spotted" Isn't it awful?
"More dogs to sniff out clues" Press release from Dept. of Justice
"Piggies in paradise" An ad for Corrigan's pork supplier
Page 28
"Bitch Slap" Interesting - a weekly gay opinion column.
"Marry me in the jungle" Ad for I'm a celebrity and excuse for Myleene Klass bikini picture
Page 30
"Beaten to death" Tasteless headline for an isn't it awful story.
Page 31
"Getting to the pint" Report on report. Surveys say Irish people drink a lot. Accompanying photo of busty Oktoberfest frauleins sinking steins of lager inevitably captioned "Nice Jugs". To be honest, I'd have been disappointed if it wasn't.
Page 32
"Jerry's killers will all be free from prison in just three years" Extract/Ad for forthcoming book
Page 34
"Ruff Justice" Court report. Rottweiler repeatedly attacks postman, amongst others; Court orders it be put down, we are invited to feel sorry for it's owner. He was "like a teddy bear" apparently.
"UFOs are here" Fantastic! But bollocks. Tinfoil hat merchants allege Ireland is an alien hotbed. Aw, how disappointing.
"Santa Saddam" something Russel Brand said recently about Saddam looking like Santa in that beard. A re-print, so.
Also, a wire story about a Canadian man trying to avoid paying spousal supports on the grounds that he's in jail. Fpr trying to kill his wife.
Page 35
"The wrest is history" Something to do with a WWE babe. PR.
Pages 36 and 37
"The Goss" 8 items, all PR-derived. I was glad to hear that Nadine hasn't left Girls Aloud, though.
Page 38
"World Report with Fiona Hynes" A hodge podge of world stories - one about the Nicaraquan elections and quite good, in a tabloidy way. Given that Ms. Hynes can't have been to Nicaragua, India, Algeria, Pakistan and Sri Lanka all in the same week, I'm guessing she's the editor of this page, and that the five stories here are AP.
Pages 40 & 41
"Secret Service" A two -page piece on a report on collusion-related deaths in Northern Ireland. Report on report.
"Downing on Sunday" Opinion
Pages 42 & 43
"Flab to Fab" Celebrites lose weight. I'm loathe to class this as journalism, as anyone with a working knowledge of Heat magazine could have put it together. We'll call itr infotainment. A few of the stries mentioned above will now be placed in this category
Page 44
"Take 10 - Bond Themes" Top ten Bond songs. Infotainment
Page 45
"Access All Areas" As above. Reviews and such. Disappointed to hear that Girls Aloud have chosen to cover Tiffany's I Think We're Alone Now, as their swansong. Their covers are always very poor.
Page 46
"Game On"
Game reviews. Everything gets a positive review, so I'll call this advertising.
Page 47
"Soap Box" Ads for tv shows.
Pages 50 & 51
"At the movies" Film reviews. Not all of them are gushingly positive (though most are), so we'll call it infotainment rather than simply advertorial.
Page 52
"Well fit" Heath infotainment
Page 56
"Property market as predicted" Journalism, albeit of the sort that tells one nothing.
Page 57
"Make the sale easy with some simple tips" Propery journalism
"Take 3" Three ads for properties
"Montenegro - the land of plenty and great value" An ad - even provides a phone number and email adress for the property company.
Page 58 & 59
"The Love Doctor" Agony Aunt/Softcore porn. Infotainment
Pages 62 & 63 - Motors
"Volvo plays it safe" An ad.
"Big bluff'n'tough Pajero has a facelift" Another ad
Page 64 - Travel
"Pack up and go" Two articles, both so obviously advertorial that they give contact details for their sponsors at the end.
