Tuppenceworth Towers

An insight into the hidden world of tuppenceworth’s headquarters. So far we have ripped up the horrific swirly green carpet inherited from our predecessor publication “Ireland’s Own- Interiors”. The banisters have been transformed by the stinky magic of gloss paint to a bitter chocolate (80% coco, from the look of it) from the previous nicotine cream/grime colour. The skirting boards have followed. This all has to be done before the fancy carpet goes down on Saturday. Apparently its made from New Zealand wool. And Argos will be bringing me a new back bedroom suite tomorrow, as they rang and told me this afternoon moments before the judge arrived to hear my case.

I had to duck out and get rid of them. Then when I tried to ring them back, I found they wouldn’t take calls from mobiles. And when they were contacted, they said they needed an order number, as their database didn’t let them search by Post Codes if they were Irish. And they could only search by Post Codes or Order Numbers, it seems.

I dug out my receipt, feeling pleased with myself for having it in my pocket.

At the top it said, ORDER NUMBER: To Follow.

I gave up.

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